It’s been a while since I’ve been uncomfortable.
I had an empty afternoon last week and saw Don’t Speak Evil (thattrailer herethat), a horror/suspense film about a family visiting another couple they met on vacation.
and EARTHSHAKINGthings don’t go as expected.
If you see the that“Dinner Party” episode of The Officethat where Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jan’s house for most uncomfortable house party ever, and think to yourself…
“What if it was a 2-hour horror movie instead?”
…that’s the plot of Don’t Speak Evil.
This movie is based on a 2022 European film of the same name, so naturally I had to watch that as well. And boy, that version is darker and more shocking.
This movie has some cutting commentary on relationships, masculinity, and even parenting…
But here’s why Speak No Evil makes me uncomfortable:
This movie asks, “How many of our own boundaries are we willing to cross to keep the peace and not hurt someone’s feelings?”
I always joke thathow much of a conflict-avoid people pleaserthat Me, which means this movie shook me to my core:
Which brings me to the point of today’s newsletter!
Guilt and Overcommitting
My father was raised Episcopalian (a form of Christianity), while my mother was raised Catholic. My mom always joked that the Episcopalian faith was “like Catholicism, but without the sin!”
So we went to the Episcopalian church as children.
And yet, I got it all Catholic sins!
I will bend over backwards to keep the peace. I will do everything to avoid sin. I would overcommit, I would put myself in frustrating situations, simply because I didn’t know how to create healthy boundaries.
Long story short, I would NOT be good at Don’t Speak Evil.
I used to think that I was the only one who was nice, but I realized that this is something different.
I have no respect for myself and my well-being!
Over the years, I have learned to establish and enforce healthier boundaries. Not just to protect myself from others, but to protect myself … from myself.
I have a feeling there are a number of people reading this newsletter who are also people pleasers, struggling with burnout, and feeling over-committed right now.
If that’s you, I have a hard-to-hear truth.
The Burnout Solution is not a Yoga Retreat
When we feel burned out, overworked, and overwhelmed, we think the solution lies in a certain form of self-care:
- Escape: We just need a massage or a “digital detox” or retreat.
- Achievement: Just need to work more difficult at the gym!
- Optimization: If only we had a better schedule!
The problem is that all these solutions treat the symptom, not the root cause.
As pointed out by Anne-Helen Peterson thatNot eventhat:
“You can’t cure burnout by taking a vacation. You won’t fix it with “life hacks,” like inbox zero, or by using a meditation app for five minutes in the morning, or doing Sunday meal prep for the whole family, or starting a bullet journal. You won’t fix it by reading a book on how to “unfu*k yourself.”
You won’t fix it with a vacation, or an adult coloring book, or “anxiety cooking,” or the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight oats.
As I shared in my essay on thatthe problems of Self-Carethatthe solution is not found in a Yoga studio or on a deserted beach, nor is it found in a journal or meditation app.
The solution requires that we have an uncomfortable conversation with ourselves.
We must first put on our own oxygen mask before we can help others.
Boundaries protect against burnout
We happy people spend most of our time keeping the peace and tending to all the needs of others, rarely thinking of ourselves.
This is often how we find ourselves overcommitted, unable to do the things we want/need to do, and possibly feel resentful of our generosity being neglected.
The problem?
It is not someone else’s responsibility to establish our boundaries.
It is up to us to establish them, explain them, and protect them.
This is where the boundaries come in.
Boundaries are healthy because they allow us to actually think our need too. Something I hadn’t thought about in a long time. I hope there are many wonderful moms and dads on this newsletter list who also don’t think of their own needs in a LONG time.
This doesn’t mean that we have to suddenly become “I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS,” but it does mean that we have to deal with the fact that our feelings and needs are valid, and we have to take care of ourselves if we’re going to take care of ourselves. others.
As pointed out by Dr. Lakshmin sa thatReal Self-Carethat:
“To practice real self-care, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable — whether that means having uncomfortable conversations to set boundaries or making clear and intentional choices to prioritize one aspect of your life over another.”
Here’s your challenge for the day:
Say NO to something you now say YES out of obligation or guilt.
Create this boundary for your own well-being and mental health.
Yes, you have to trust those around you, and maybe even *GASP* let someone down!
Especially if they are used to you saying yes to everything all the time.
I promise you, their reaction is not your responsibility to manage.
One last reminder that I need to internalize: “No” is a complete sentence.
We can’t travel through time, which means the only solution to burnout is to put less stuff on our plate.
It requires us to create boundaries to protect ourselves…from ourselves.
I’d love to hear what border you’ve built, so hit reply and let me know!
-Steve
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The post Boundaries: the cure for burnout? first appeared in Nerd Fitness.
2024-10-15 14:59:50
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